..::sparkle and fade::..

..::08.01.10::..
for six months i watched you--harold and maude on repeat--mostly i stopped before the ending. i slowly said goodbye to your parts. your purr. your bite. your meow. yourself. i started watching the whole thing after your kidneys began to fail. couldn't believe that i'd already said goodbye to half of you. the last time(s) it'd had been an easier decision. for lick i'd gotten behind a funeral procession on the way to the vet. i know i cheated death on thanksgiving when i ended up behind a hearst--the only other time in 8 years i might add--on the freeway. but i couldn't do it then. you might have been ready, but i still wasn't.

i have come to understand why i connect sometimes (often) more with animals rather than people. they were/are my friends. my siblilngs. short of shitting in a shoe or waking me up at night i can think of no greater offense done. perhaps i shouldn't hold such high standards for people. but sometimes it's nice to feel needed and loved without having to do much and only getting love in return. maybe if we weren't permitted to speak to one another we'd learn something. communication without words.

thanks little man for everything you taught me. you were the smartest one i've ever had and the biggest. and i'll never forget how much you changed when i saved you from death so many years ago.