easter just doesn't seem like easter without jesus. not that jesus really made my easter, although i do recall seeing some sort of passion when i was younger. pretty fucking disturbing. easter hasn't been easter since grandma ben died. jesus didn't come then either.
yesterday i made peace with my grandma and took comfort with my aunt. today i talked to my mom. what a let down. augusten is staring at me now. head cocked. the only part visible of this book--the third in a row of hi--is "le vision." and that's something that's he's given me, a new perspective. hope for the possibility of change. god, that sounds so therapy, but it's true.
and when i hung up the phone i wondered if honestly, i wanted to deal with this. i'm tired of taking up residence between denial and guilt. i'm moving on that way. and i swore i wasn't going to eat anything else today, but i when i got home i had a strange sudden urge to pop open a soda and reached for a fortune cookie. i think i rather like having those around sometimes. and it said something like a fortune. lately, they've been lame. even "in bed" can't save some of them. this one: "two important decisions shall be made by you soon." and i think of all that happened in a weekend. all that's happened in less than a month. and the past year.
and when i turned it over it was almost like some sort of omniscient reassurance. "squid." the one thing i really really love. huh.
december details. - 12.16.09
the stages of acceptance. - 07.24.09
the thumb as a useful tool - 07.21.09
a home for my heart. - 03.24.09
a concise chinese-englisth dictionary for lovers - 01.26.09
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