..::05.10.04::..
devendra is blaring in my ears. i'm at work with the door closed. sitting. staring. listening. thinking about going home. and for the first time i am wondering if i made a mistake. i am homesick for friends. disappointed. but i wouldn't go so far as to say i want to move home. i just wonder right now if i should have moved here. if i should be doing what i'm doing.
i've been so indecisive lately. about everything. getting sidetracked from being sidetracked. music seems to be the only passion that's grown stronger. i can't decide if listening to the vice-presidential debates tonight would be a smart choice, or if i should go to the richard buckner show. the thing i was planning on doing already. but it isn't the same. no chris. no jeff. i wore a western belt and brought my camera just in case. but really all i want to do is retreat. somewhere. for a while.
i'm tired of people games. tired of being the one that calls. tired of worrying about petty things that really don't matter. and working on big things that aren't making the difference i'd like to be making. i feel like a disappointment. depressed. it's not normal. or at least not for me.
ok deep breath.
