..::sparkle and fade::..

..::04.02.05::..
with a sixty year age difference it's hard to believe you can have so much in common. you can spend hours together talking. sleeping. reading. you never want to go home and you always feel like you've only just gotten there. his voice is soothing and even if you were to sleep non-stop for weeks before your visit, you'd be dozing shortly after arrival. at first you thought that was just the house. just the furniture. but no. it is, it was, the man.

you don't remember a time where you didn't look forward to visiting, even if it was your vacation. don't remember ever feeling young. but always feeling very much alive. your relationship was like that. maybe someday you'll have another. it is doubtful. genetics most likely played at least some part in that.

the last days i saw you i knew you were struggling. your body was working against you now. i hardly remember the time when you had extra meat on your bones. there are two distinct people. the before. the after. i remember after best. when i learned to listen. when i could get away and have you to myself. she let that happen. she is amazing. much of what she is, i strive to be. i hope. she hoped too. but your body slowly won. it couldn't have been much of a life for you. sitting. waiting. depending. not seeing. not remembering. i don't know how you did it for so long. i wish you could have done it a bit longer. i so wanted to tell you one last time. wanted to touch you. feel your soft skin. i missed you by days. but now i'm glad i didn't have to see you struggle. and i'm glad that part is over.
and now i'm thinking of all the work we did together with family and photos. and the strangest thought occurred to me the other day. and i'm so conflicted about it. i would have asked what you thought about the whole thing, but that would have been weird. and frankly, i wasn't thinking of your exit. didn't want to. never did. never do. i think you would be okay with it. i wouldn't show anyone. i feel it an honor since it's something old. the people in the pictures are beautiful grampa. they look like they're sleeping.