i think there is something wrong with me. i crave change, and yet it scares me. i'm not certain what's going on lately...maybe i'm freaking out more now due to the fact that i have a lot more time to think about my decisions...but something doesn't feel right. the promise of other opportunities is also a possiblility. every day i wake up and walk to the train and i feel like i'm mourning my old neighborhood. and that i've made a mistake. and every day yet another agent calls me to look at my apartment...which is in a total state of disrepair...a mess...and it normally isn't. i can only say it is showing how i'm feeling. and i don't feel like i have any time to do anything. i need to travel. i need to get away. but being that i owe on my taxes, i owe on my credit card, and will probably incur a large debt to move, i don't know when i'll ever have the money. i don't want to ask my parents for anything, but if they could only know how much a little time off would mean to me...maybe it wouldn't be so awful. being an adult sucks. it seems every time i'm feeling really great something or someone stomps that spirit out. it's only temporary.
that's what i keep telling myself about everything. it'd be nice not to have to say that.
