..::sparkle and fade::..

..::04.06.06::..
suffice to say i apparently don't clues from cupid well...and to make matters more complicated i tend to complicate things with moves that would appear to the outsider as "moves." in the past moves have included exchanging numbers, asking people to lunch, leaving a book behind...more recently letting someone stay over, even though it was on my couch, letting them buy me drinks...and it seems i'm most attractive to others when i really don't care. really have zero desire to reconnect, sometimes on even a friend level...i do things all wrong, but i've learned to be me over the years, and iguess it will take someone special to warm up to the me that starts out strong. i still have very little confidence on first-move making front, less with women, and end up kicking myself later.

so along those lines...tonight i had a date. with a really ridiculously cute girl. loves npr. smart. art historian. well traveled. in other words, intimidating. so we have dinner. dutch. not apparent, but one of those things in retrospect that i'm like slapping myself for...totally understand what a dude feels ike now...she shows me her film on SHOWGIRLS. we smoke. talk. gives me a CD. walks me to my CAR. and then because a streetfight is brewing i give her a lift home. did imention this is two blocks away? if even....i then say goodnight sans kiss etc. feel lame and email her the answers to our conversational questions...among other things. if i didn't blow it before, this was probably my moment. answers consist of hte meaning of melatonin vs melanin....and the avg age of girls in the us when beginning menstruation. yeah, i'm fucking genius. on the other hand at least i wasn't emailing her hte name of the newest american idol...buti did make sort of a brain connection between teh show cheers and desperate housewives. whatever the girl thinks showgirls is epic. and maybe it is. to be fair i haven't seen it yet. but maybe this is fair grounds. oh yeah, and if you can't tell i've had a bit of ireland so to speak. night.