..::sparkle and fade::..

..::07.10.06::..
soundtrack: cansei de ser sexy--let's make love and listen to death from above*

~1~
merriam webster's definition of dating is lame aka "to go out on usually romantic dates."
i like urbandictionary's entries far better
+Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple.

James and Brenda where dating until James tried to fuck her on the third date.
+socially acceptable form of prostitution.

I spent a $30 for a movie, before the first base. A $50 for lunch, for the second base, and a $70 on a romantic dinner before we cut to the chase.
+A pointless waste of time... defined by massive usage of cologne and/or perfume, awkward sweaty hand-holding, and feelings of puppy love that usually dissolve in a few weeks (or less)

"we're dating, and, like, he, like, is picking me up in 10 minutes!"
"wow, you, like, smell, really, like, strong!"
+The modern day battlefield of romance where hearts are won and broken, the not-quite so version of chivalry and wooing, an interview for a lover; the lay down some time-and money and see if you get some candy routine; the progressed game of cat-and-mouse; the human courtship ritual; playing baseball for a home run.

Yeah, I've dated her several times. 1st time was flowers, a movie, and a nice dinner. The second time was a fancy dinner and tickets to an event. And on the third date we saw a movie again and, badda-bing-badda-boom, we had sex before the night was through.
+1)a courting process between the male and female, male and male and female and female of the species commonly known as humans
2)a way to 'get some'regulary

Mary-Sue and Frank had been dating only 3 weeks when they discovered that their identical last name was no coincidence at all...
+v. the act of entering into the domain of hell where the lost and the lonely go to get laid.

My bofriend dumped my now I must start...(sob sob blubber) dating.

~2~

i think you get the idea. i think my definition consists of the following:
+the internet--at least then you don't have beer goggles and i've gotten pretty good at knowing if i'd be interested.
+the shoe test--sad. superficial. true. chicago introduced the jacket test.
+dark hair=douchebag. blond=good times.
+the people i'm attracted to either
a. don't exist in the real dating world
b. are gay
c. are insanely shy
+i usually blow the first or most commonly the second date. usually the second. apparently i go from amazing to godzilla somewhere in between.
+awkardness of some sort. usually arms are crossed. and i tend to sit somewhere distant and uncomfortable. like the floor in a corner. that's appealing.
+people that are most attracted to me are often mean and say thing like "there is no chemistry" and htne call repeatedly months later. or turn friends and then they are digging me. but i am not. it's weird.
+anymore: me being myself. maybe this is godzilla? or too phoebe? i dunno, but i'm not changing. fuck that. this includes not liking and/or adhering to the damn rules of : three days til a phone call. me not paying. waiting til we're married to do it. etc etc.
+me doing something stupid. and embarrassing to self. most recently falling at a concert.
+coming across as more opinionated and less open than i am
+coming across as cold. i'm shy. i have a hard time with the touchy/feely shit at first. sue me.
~3~
i'm at a place right now where i feel like i have a lot to offer. and i want to share. i'm accustomed to being interesting to others physically..and even as friends...but not the type that goes home to mom. i'm sick of it. i've found someone i'm rather interested in. we'll see if that lasts...i forgot how hard this is. i'll admit it. i'm scared shitless. i don't know what i'm doing, but i don't want to fuck up. and at least if i do, i want to know what i did. i'm tired of feeling like a toy. so far the past month has been good. i feel like i have my shit together. i hope i can stay focused. and that i can keep using my brain. it's a nice change. i hadn' trealized how terribly stale the air up there had gotten. and i don't want to go back.