..::16.17.06::..
last weekend i went away. i took a trip for pleasure. not for a holiday. a wedding. a death. for myself. and i have to say...it was wonderful.
i admit to overanalysis. it can't be avoided. i'm not sure what causes it--if it's some leftover OCD chemical, or a genetic thing, an extra chromosome, etc, but it's something that i honestly don't really for the most part enjoy. although, i suppose it keeps my mind active, albeit a potentially aggrevating thing. thank god for some amount of self-assuredness and for friends and family. yes.
so along those lines...i've been thiinking about friends lately a lot. how they come to be. what makes friendships last. why you tolerate some things/people, and why others/things are just totally unacceptable. clearly a lot has to do with timing. but some has to do with time i think. like i think i cut a lot of slack for people i've known longer...and not always because i should. some people i've grown apart from...and i think that's not necessarily one party, but can be attributed to both...and others i know are busy...and others are just well...out for different things. and onto a totally different path...of life and consideration. it's really hard sometimes to think that person A was someone i respected and was very much in awe of at point B in time, and now in present is sort of well...in a rut. or disappointing. dissimilar. distant. i am happy to say that the people i saw in new york were people that i haven't necessarily talked to frequently as of late, but are the types where you can pick up a conversation of say a year ago, and it's like you just put on a new pot of coffee just after the last cup was finished. analogies are clearly not my strong point. sue me.
and so these two of three are people in serious, committed relationships. but i feel like they still really have a true sense of self. they haven't lost their lives entirely. they've grown and they don't seem super "couply" or like they're already married or anything. and that's well...just nice. ya know?
i've always wanted to be in a band. seemingly unrelated, but it'll come around swears...and so before i moved here it seemed like it would happen. and then i moved. then some time passed. organization. my friend michelle and i decide to do it. her husband will be the drummer. i move to the hood--we're blocks away...then they move. remodel etc. takes time...now michelle is pregnant. i am thinking: band will not happen. jonny refuses to give up. sunday is our first practice. and this is where we circle round...these people rule. they are some of my favorite people on this earth. and although they didn't plan to bring someone else into this world...i'm glad they're going to. maybe it'll even out for all the people that really shouldn't school people on being people. that need to grow up themselves (myself included) prior to trying to grow another. and i hold hope in my heart that it all works out for them, because they're in a world where the odds are against them. they're part of the small club of married people that dont' seem married...
on an off note: my mother had a date tonight. which is a really weird thing to think about really...and it sounded like it went well...and i am crossing my fingers for her. cause she deserves someone to share stuff with. and to make her happy. and someone that speaks to her in things outside of barks.
