..::24.12.06::..
i don't know really where to start. forgive me if this is the recesses of my brain and sort of mildly telling/ADD. but i guess at this point that's better than not writing anything at all...for record..and well, just sort of how things are.
things that got to me today:
my aunt and uncle gave me money. which is really super sweet, but i feel massively guilty for being that they really don't have the money to give (or at least in my mind) and so since said point i've been plotting my counter-action...which involves an elaborate sweater and a framed photo or two of them for their anniversary. so sweet. crushing really.
my mother's anchor christmas gift is apparently out of stock. so nice of them to tell me this a week after i've placed my order and subsequently planned around said gift. fuckers. while a refund is indeed a nice thing sometimes, it's not really what i wished for this christmas. damn.
i listened to a tape of my mother and some pyschic with my aunt today for somewhere around a half an hour...it is funny that pee wee's playhouse--which i've longed to get my father as a christmas present--is playing in the background as i write this...anyhow...it was interesting. on many levels. i had sort of heard the cliff notes version prior in that, she would meet a man, etc etc, and i was with someone, etc etc, and my father was not her soul mate, but a good person...ya know....that sort of thing. but as much as i'm scientific i found it interesting. i was particularly amused when he said "your son" to which i laughed at my aunt and said "well, really who could blame him for that?"
moving on...tomorrow boasts my least favorite part of chirstmases in the recent past...the car ride with my grandmother. which she talks about how my parents should be together. etc. it's massively depressing. aggrevating. it sucks. it's one of the things that has made christmas more adult for me as a whole. more frustrating. and what made me ultimatley consider coming home a day early in general. no changes thus far.
my mother and i talked about things this evening. and it's funny to me how she and my dad thought they were being really cool/responsible/responsive parents on terms of inter-racial dating when i was in high school. i called them out on udder failure. border line rascists. oops. but interesting nonetheless. for sure. my cousin recently has come out as a lesbian which as a high school student in florida, i find extremely impressive...but given her situation...i also see as a potential phase. it was interesting tossing ideas around with my mother...in particular because one of my aunt's christmas gifts was a child's high chair that needed the caining replaced. it's the one and only time (thank god)that anyone has ever said anything to me in regards to offspring. and i'm glad someone more able is taking over...less pressure for me. more to come. xo.
