..::sparkle and fade::..

i've been without a connection for weeks. i'm hoping some not-so-expensive cable will come through for me, cause writing in public just isn't my style. writing at work will have to do for now just to break my streak.

birthdays are always good for making a person think. i'm not the type to get hung up on age (and i hope never to be)--can be proven even more as i've accidentally said a few times that i'm a year older than i actually am. funny no? a lot of people are in the second wave of marriages. more recently other friends are turning into parents. the latter has actually been kind of a cool thing. especially since i'm more happy to be in, where it's quiet, and intimate...where you're more likely to hear what your friend is saying and they're less likely to be drunk and blubbering...and actually talking about something interesting. interestingly, although i don't necessarily know what i'm doing with my life in the big picture, i feel like i'm making goals for myself and accomplishing things again. this time for myself and not necessarily for career type things, which is actually even better i think. i've been pretty decent about keeping a photo diary. decent about having band practice and writing. and now i've begun training for a half marathon. the fact that i agreed almost on accident is perhaps the only way i would have gotten into this is in the first place, but i can say that it's nice to be challenged.

on the feeling older front (and apparently it's in the air as i just read his entry that linked up to similar thoughts...but i have been thinking about past/present relationships. and how things feel really good now. i feel like i have people around me that care. and just how it makes me think in general about what i should be doing. and since others are going down these adult paths that don't feel right for me yet...if i'm weird or something...because lots of things feel right. and i'm not scared for once. not questioning my relationships. taking them at face value. which is actually sort of scary? hehe.

someone called me a square the other day. it's funny how much that affected me. i know i've thought about it way mor e than i should have. and that it doesn't matter. i've thought about how frustrating that was. and how high school it feels to be bothered by a comment like that. last night i thought about it as i saw a show in a large venue. i thought at first it was that maybe i was too old/square/something to enjoy shows like that anymore...and then i realized that it's just almost too much for me. that i like my stuff small. and that's ok.