..::sparkle and fade::..

..::02.11.07::..
july is usually the time for evaluating friendships. lots of things have happened recently to make me think about them more. in an effort to learn and understand i googled friendship. i was curious what was out there. what did i have in common with other people? what was the definition--something i always start with.

according to wikipedia this is true:
Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans. This article focuses on the notion specific to interpersonal relationships. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating on a consistent basis:

* the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
* sympathy and empathy,
* honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
* mutual understanding.
an interesting point i have made/thought of on my own is that some of the people i am closest to in friendship are people i have dated. why is that? sometimes just even people i have made out with. not dated. and more importantly...why is it so damn hard to find good friends these days. many things have been theorized on this front. big city vs small town. boy upfrontness vs girl drama. my maturity level vs maturity level of older people. only child vs some other familial role.
even though i've been over analyzing the shit out of things lately--which frankly is beyond me being that i usually only do that when i don't have enough going on, and lately has been quite the opposite--apparently i'm not alone in this whole being baffled at finding good friends bit.
according also to wiki
The number and quality of friendships for the average American has been declining since at least 1985, according to a 2006 study.[1] The study states that 25% of Americans have no close confidants, and that the average total number of confidants per person has dropped to 2.
in 1985 i was six years old. i had a shit ton of friends. i was six. so they pretty much all ruled. most of them i don't talk to. oddly...out of all those. i still to this day talk to two. interesting. not saying it's an everyday thing...but still.

it's 2007. i'm 28. i have plenty of people i'd call friends. no russian cultural reservations on that level here. but so far as the super good ones that i can talk about anything to at any given moment. i'd say i have three. one of those is my mother. this fact is kind of terrifying lately. since my friends have had losses on that front. one i don't talk to often, but i could call and if i left a desperate enough text or voicemail...i think would call regardless of situation. this has been said best friend for years. the most recent i can call anywhere and will answer. this has been huge for me in the past year. little did i know i still harbored such a middle school affection for chatting on the phone. to discuss sometimes pointless things. at any hour. about anything.

and i suppose i should consider myself lucky. for having one more really great friend than the average american.

but lately...i just find it depressing. there is so so much that goes into a friendship. so much to give. so much to take. so much to understand...when you think you already have that understanding. and well...i guess more than a downer on that one, it's just frustrating.