..::sparkle and fade::..

..::24.12.07::..
the holidays are just going to be stressful and uncontrollable. this i just have to come to accept. then they won't be so stressful. today my dad opened his biggest christmas gift without me. he got it and he loved it. so for that i am thankful. there is still one gift for one person not family that i am greatly looking forward to giving.

***
conversely from days ago, or really the same...home is away. in that home does not feel here. once my friends have left...home is the other.
***

from tarun j tepal's the alchemy of desire (as i think it looks like there will be a lot i will want to dogear/digitally reference)
*"love is not the greatest glue between two people. sex is.
the laws of school physics will tell you it is more difficult to prise apart two bodies joined at the middle than those connected anywhere near the top or hte bottom.
i was still madle in love wiht ehre when i lfet her but hte desiere had died, and not all the years of sharing and caring and discovering and journeying could keep me from fleeing.
perhaps i recall it wrong.
strictly speaking i did not leave, fizz did."
*"our private mythology after every spat had bgeen that we were like a snugly zipped-up jacked: occasionally we scrapped and came half unzipped; on specially awful days the zip opened all the way down. but it was always held together by the clasp at the bottom, and then it took only a minute to zip all the way back up.warm and tight. but in the last six months we had not just opened wide the jacket of our relationship, we had taken scissors and cut it into two distinct parts."
*"and it was not only my nostrils. a switch seemed to have been thrown on all my senses. sucking on her flesh, any part of her flesh, could work me into a frenzy. there had been occasions when i had fallen over the edge just sucking her calves. but now her skin had no taste. like chewing gum hours after it had lost its flavour."
*"tell me he would say to the congregated works, if you sit on a chair and shit, can you ever void yourself completely? arre, you sit on a chair to meet your friends and your fater-in-law. to eat in a hotel. to give an exam. can you crap sitting on a chair? you do that for a lifetime and you're bound to be left full of shit! you've seen how constipated city people look? the rash the white man left behind!"