..::sparkle and fade::..

..::27.12.07::..about 16.12.07
you called me early sunday. usually we’d be together. sipping coffee from across the street. watching sunday morning and relaxing. bundled in a blanket. toes still cold from outside. the smell of cigarette still on your breath. this sunday was different. we were apart. you sounded upset. i panicked. i didn’t want to ago across the street: we had happy memories there. better to do things at a place that already leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. we went to starbucks. almost christmas. better to have carols we didn’t care for, surrounding us in a place we didn’t much care for either. we still cared for each other. we just forgot how. you got coffee. i got tea. i was already shaking. i didn’t think my heart could handle pumping any faster.

we left and went back to my place. i gave you your loafers and marvel comic underwear. you gave me the pjs i barely wore at your place. you had left more. given yourself more. i didn’t know how. you kept giving. kept your word. decided to stay and go to the fish store with me. where all recently broken couples go to negotiate misunderstandings. a present for dad that he would open without me. i smiled for a picture that came too late and put on a show of happy. reality hadn’t sunk in yet. things were too normal.

off to the japanese toy store. i bought a mustache. we walked through the snow. i took pictures of our feet. you are walking and i am following, but our paths are not the same. stopped for elvis. stopped at the corner. hugged. we parted ways over cat food. perhaps a perfect metaphor. it is true i can give myself entirely to animals. they can make me cry over a human. i hadn’t cried yet. turned around to watch you walk away. you lit a cigarette. kept walking. no looking back.