..::16.05:08::..
for the past twenty-eight years the favorite part of my birthday has always been listening to my grandma tell me about the day i was born. how she was going to israel. how she flew into see me. how my dad was holding a baby in his arms. feeding her--she had big blue eyes that were open and looked at her...this year i knew i wouldn't hear that story. my grandmother was too sick to tell me. two nights ago i worried about her. i rarely remember my dreams. rarely are they vivid unless they are significant. on the night before my birthday i dreamt my mother and i were in the bathroom brushing our teeth. we were using close-up--the same toothpaste my grandmother used. something happened to the water when my mom was trying to spit out the toothpaste and it splashed up on the wall. it was a small bathroom like on a boat. the wall was cream and made of plastic. red foam covered the entire wall. the next day i looked up what toothpaste means to dream. apparently it is protection against anxiety or worry. i could not put out of my mind that my grandmother wasn't going to pull through despite reports of doing well the day before off of life support. well meaning she lived and didn't go right away. the nurses were incredulous. anyhow, all day long i waited for a call that never came, that is until today. i wasn't wrong though. gone at 11 am. dad just didn't want to ruin my birthday. but actually it didn't ruin it. i already knew afterall...and somehow it was like an unspoken birthday story. my favorite part. in a way i see it as the life circle. something special to share. my day to come in. her day to go out. and an end to my worry about her being unhappy. being out of her house just wasn't for her. i knew that.
it's never too late i realied recently. for anything. and i am glad i got to know my grandmother again better. and to understand her. i think parts of us weren't really so different afterall.
mary t. snell.
august 25, 1921-may 15, 2008
the best grandmother a girl could ever hope for.
