..::sparkle and fade::..

..::14.07.09::..
Today, for the very first time, at 30 years of age, I tried sucking my thumb. Not to say that I’d never tried it before. I know I did once or twice during nap time at day care—my first attempts to fit in socially—a failed experiment on both levels. I was never one for napping—at least not when told.

My mom tried pacifiers when I was little, but I’d spit them out on the floor. I swear to god that I was vain about my teeth back then—even before I had ‘em. I knew the kids that sucked their thumbs would get buck teeth and be pegged for wussies.—only thing worse was crying.

Trying not to cry as I listened to my own cat cryin in the next room. I could feel the tears swelling up—ready to open the flood gates. Where tears come from sometimes I have a hard time imagining.

I remembered jonny talking about how the infant he watched hadn’t learned self-soothing techinieus for when he was upset. He’d just cry and reach for someone—expecting them to pick hyim up.

I guess I’ve been reaching to others now for awhile. The end of the world if someone doesn’t pick up on the other end. So I thought I’d try it. I don’ tknow if it was psychosomatic of something deep ingrained in humans but immediately I was better.

I may need to research these techni_ues. It’s certainly better than smoking or eating—just might not look appropriate at the office or otherwise. Although I do like idea of telling people I needed to take a thumb break in the designated area for suckers.