..::23.07.09::..
lately there are ten minutes of my day that seem to stretch forever. these ten minutes are divided into two that act as a marker to the beginning of my day and the end--the day that might start well and end end badly. never knowing until they are over with. the anxiety a thing of the past once i've lived it. i no longer dread getting up in the morning. i dread going downstairs. i imagine you missing. motionless. i am both troubled and happy when you are pacing in the kitchen. somewhat comforted when you are lying in your chair. relieved if your head is up looking at me. the time i spend towards the end of my commute is worse. i am tired from work and feel guilty that i am not sure i have the energy to deal with what might be a reality. i prepare to find you missing again. this time in a corner. i am happiest when you say hello and greet me at the door. elated that you're eating again...even if your appetite is only feeding my denial. at least for now.
